


In Another Life

by Loor



Category: Torchwood
Genre: F/M, Fake Character Death, Friendship, Mixed up time streams, Paradox, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-14 07:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1258462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loor/pseuds/Loor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kaitlin gets stuck in the time vortex and eventually ends up in 2008, she meets someone she thought she'd never see again. A ghost from her past who will become a lover in his future.</p><p>Based on River Song's description of her relationship with the Doctor: "My past is his future. We’re traveling in opposite directions. Every time we meet, I know him more, he knows me less."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blue. Orange. The sound of a violin. Green. The smell of freshly baked cookies. Freshly mowed grass. A kitten meowing.

Sounds, smells and colors surrounded Kaitlin as she swirled through the time vortex. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was impressed that the TARDIS was able to constantly travel through this maze of senses. But mostly, she was scared shitless. She wondered how she would ever get out of this. In what state she would make it out of here, if she did. Time literally flew by. She had no idea how long she had been in here. No idea whether she was going backwards or forward in time. It had been 2574 when she had gotten thrown into the vortex, but she could be anywhere now. Any time.

Just as Kaitlin was about to give up hope of ever getting out of here, she smacked into something solid. The sounds faded away and colors started to slow down. “Kaitlin?” was the last thing her senses registered before she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaitlin groaned as she woke up. Somewhere there was a annoying sound that refused to stop. It took her a moment to realize the pounding was coming from inside her head. A headache that only got worse as she tried to get up. 

“Hey there, take it easy!”

Kaitlin’s entire body stiffened when she heard the voice. It couldn’t be. Carefully she opened one eye to confirm her suspicion. Her hearing proved to be working well, as she indeed found the most memorable metallic blue eyes she had ever come across in all her years of travelling with the Doctor staring down at her. “Jack,” she whispered. Despite her muscles aching and her throat feeling like sand paper, she felt a smile creep onto her face.

“Glad to see I made a lasting impression,” Captain Jack Harkness grinned before he bend over and hooked one arm around Kaitlin’s back. “Now let’s get you sitting up a little straighter.”

A whimper escaped Kaitlin when her body was pulled into a sitting position. Jack’s eyes were immediately on hers, a silent question in them. “I’m fine,” she assured him. Her voice sounded a lot less croaked after a few heavy coughs. “I just already know that I’m going to be sore for days.”

Jack smiled and Kaitlin felt herself relax. She might have no idea where she was, but at least she wasn’t alone. It felt good to have someone familiar with her. 

“I think the first creature on which you don’t leave a lasting impression still needs to be born,” she answered Jack’s first question. She found it somewhat strange that he would even worry about leaving a lasting impression, seeing as they travelled together for months. But at that moment she couldn’t bring up the effort to care about it. She had a hard enough headache already, without questioning Jack’s sentences.

There was a moment of silence between the two old friends and Kaitlin took the opportunity to look around and take in her surroundings. At first glance it looked as if they were in a simple office. But as Kaitlin looked better, stared further away through the glass windows, she noticed high tech computer equipment and all kinds of machinery of which she wasn’t sure what it was all used for. Machines that looked like they weren’t made by human hands. Remnants of what seemed to be an old subway station. She couldn’t remember having been here before, yet the place looked oddly familiar. “Where am I?” she wondered out loud. “What happened? And why are you here?”

“Wow, slow down,” Jack halted her. “One question at a time.”

Questions kept swirling through her mind, but Kaitlin eventually managed to pick the one she deemed most important. “Okay, so what happened?” she wanted to know.

“Asking the hard questions first, I’ve always like that about you. Reminds me of that time when we -” Jack stopped in the middle of his sentence when he noticed Kaitlin raise an eyebrow at him. He raised his hands in defense, letting her know he understood. “Okay, memories later. What I meant to say is: we don’t really know what happened. We were discussing a case we are working on and suddenly there you were. You literally fell out of the sky. Or well, out of the rift, if you want to get technical. You made a pretty hard fall too, you’re lucky to not have any serious injuries. And lucky we have a doctor – a real, medical one – in our team. He immediately examined you, told us you don’t even have a concussion.”

“Well, at least some of that is good news,” Kaitlin stated. She briefly wondered how she was ever going to find the Doctor, her Doctor, again. After a few moments she decided to store that problem away until a later time. The Doctor would find her, she assumed. He always did. And until then, she seemed to be safe with Jack. The world didn’t look like it was in any imminent danger. At least not from where she was sitting. 

Instead of worrying she continued her game of twenty questions. “So, our team, huh?”

Jack stared at her in silence for a moment or two. Kaitlin could tell he was trying to assess how much she knew, from which point in time she had come. He was contemplating what to tell her, how much he tell her without freaking her out. Eventually one word spilled past his lips. “Torchwood.”

The two syllables told made Kaitlin’s heart skip a beat. The name brought back a lot of memories. None of them, however, involved Jack. None of them involved the Hub, as Kaitlin realized that was where she was, in such a perfect state. The word told her what she wanted to know, yet raised a million more questions at the same time. A lot of concerns too, as, depending on the time, she had to be careful not to give away any information about the future. “Torchwood? What year is this exactly?”

“2008,” Jack answered swiftly. He sounded as if he thought to perfectly understand why worry was seeping through Kaitlin’s voice. His next statement, Kaitlin knew, was meant to be reassuring. “The battle at Canary Wharf happened over a year ago, no need to worry about spoilers.”

“2008? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“You know I like to joke around, but I’m really not.” Jack assured her.

Kaitlin hummed quietly, signaling she believed him. It did make sense now, his earlier remark about leaving a lasting impression. In Jack’s time stream they had only travelled together for a couple of days. To him it would be a couple of years before he would meet the Doctor and Kaitlin again. He had no idea about the adventures that were still ahead for him. 

When she focused her attention on Jack again, Kaitlin found her staring at her. It took her another few moments to realize he had been talking to her. She had no clue what he had said. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“You seem taken aback by the year? Where were you? Or rather: what happened?”

Kaitlin stared in the distance for a moment, trying to remember what had happened. “We were in 2574. Things were calm, the Doctor decided to take a day off from saving the world. The TARDIS found solid ground in New York. But you know him, the Doctor’s hearts belong to London. He is always curious about the city, no matter what era it is. So we decided to go there, maybe hang around there for a few days. The flight went perfectly. The Doctor was about to land the TARDIS when… I…” She let out a frustrated sigh as she try to call the events that brought her here. “I don’t remember. Or well, I do, I just don’t understand what happened. One moment I was bracing myself – you know the Doctor’s landing style – and the next I was swirling in the time vortex. And then -”

“Oh, you’re still here, Jack. Ianto and Tosh are looking for you. I wanted to check up on… Jack, I told you she shouldn’t get up! You promised to make sure she would keep laying down!”

Kaitlin hadn’t heard anybody come in while she was trying to recall the events that made her end up here, but the small gasp that left her mouth wasn’t from the interruption. Instead it came from the surprise of hearing another familiar voice. One she had never expected to hear again. 

Jack eyed here suspiciously for a moment, but decided to not comment on it. Kaitlin realized she only got away with it because of the state she was in. Instead, Jack turned to face Owen and put up his hands in defense. “She wouldn’t have taken no for an answer anyway. Trust me, with this one it was better to help her up, before she tried herself,” he said.

“I’ll go see what Ianto and Toshiko want. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said to Kaitlin. The girl, however, barely noticed him getting up, as she only had eyes for the person that had just entered the room. She flashed him a bright and happy smile.

Owen Harper didn’t seem fazed by the happiness that Kaitlin could feel radiating from her face. “Don’t try to woo me with that smile… Uhm, Kaitlin it was, right?” he said as he said down next to her. “I’ve spend enough time around Jack to be immune.” He grinned to himself as he put on a pair of medical gloves. “Now, let me check you out and maybe I’ll give you a ‘good to go’.”

She remembered the year at the same moment that Owen questioned her name and realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Disappointment filled her heart and the easy smile slid of her face. She slumped back into the couch while she let Owen examine her. He had no idea who she was. No clue about the things they used to share together. As far as he was concerned, they hadn’t happened yet.

“… and bruises. So how about I introduce you to the rest of the team now?”

“Huh? I’m sorry, what was that?” Kaitlin had been staring at Owen so intently, reminiscing, that she hadn’t heard a thing of what he had been saying.

“Don’t do that. Don’t stare at me like that. It makes you look like you’re not that well after all. You’ll make me question my medical skills!” The patient, kindhearted smile Owen flashed almost made her forget to listen again. She made a conscious effort to listen. “I said that you are going to be fine. Some soreness and a lot of bruises in the next couple of days, but nothing major. And then I asked if you wanted me to introduce you to the rest of team.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice.” 

A shiver went through Kaitlin’s body as Owen put an arm around her to help her up. She tried to ignore it, instead focusing on not putting too much wait on some muscles that had started to feel quite painful by now. Memories wouldn’t help her. The past was the past. Or well, the future, depending on who you talked to. Time was complicated when you traveled with the Doctor. But either way, it was her past and she couldn’t change it, no matter how much she wished she could at this moment.


	3. Chapter 3

“Geez, is it that late already? I really should be going. I really should learn to keep an eye on time. Rhys has been so patient with me lately. I don’t want to keep him waiting up for me any longer than strictly necessary. He deserves better than that.”

“Oh come on, team spirit, Gwen! What’s a few hours when it gets you and your team closer together. I thought we meant more to you!” Jack placed his hand over his heart, feigned being hurt by the words Gwen just spoke.

Gwen clearly knew better than to fall for it. “Oh, you know I love you guys. Especially you, Captain!” she replied with a grin and a mock salute.

Kaitlin curiously watched at Jack playfully bickered with Gwen. All night long he had been teasing her, trying to catch her of guard. During the evening Kaitlin had learned that Gwen was the newest member of the team. But although she had only joined a few months ago, she stood her ground without a problem. Kaitlin liked that about her. She kept Jack in check. He needed someone around who didn’t just jump at his every word or agreed with him all too easily. Someone to keep him on edge. Kaitlin was glad that he had Gwen around. 

“I’m going to call it a night as well. See you tomorrow, guys!”

Hurrying to catch up with the other woman, Toshiko left the Hub with a wave while the others hummed goodbyes in response. Kaitlin still wasn’t sure what to think of the small Japanese. She was friendly enough, but seemed to keep to herself most of the time. Her and Gwen were complete opposites, but Kaitlin knew from experience that those sometimes worked best together.

When the portal to the Hub closed, Kaitlin glanced at the clock hanging on the far wall. It surprised her how late it had already gotten. Time had passed until well into the night after Owen had introduced her to the team and they had easily chatted, getting to know each other. 

“Just for the record, it’s not always this quiet when the girls are gone! Jack and Ianto can be pretty loud too. Unfortunately.”

Jack and Ianto both started protesting in unison, but Kaitlin tuned them out easily. She simply turned to Owen with a grin playing around her lips. “Oh, knowing Jack like I do, I’m not surprised!” she said with a wink. Their eyes locked as Owen grinned back at her. For a long moment it felt like all they could do was stare at each other. It felt so familiar to Kaitlin.

But she felt her heart break further than it already had when she stared in Owen’s eyes. All she could see in there were a million and one questions. They used to move intuitively around each other, with each other, and now all Kaitlin could do was wonder what he was thinking. She wasn’t sure whether she should be sad or annoyed by the fact that she wasn’t able to predict his every move, every word he was going to say, anymore. 

As much as she tried to hide her feelings, Kaitlin still felt the tears making way to her eyes. Yet she couldn’t look away from Owen, she could only do her best not to let the tears spill. The last thing they needed right now was Owen seeing her cry. 

Just when she thought she couldn’t hold back any longer, Owen averted his gaze. “So yeah, I should probably go too.” He passed his fingers over his head through barely existing hair, almost as if he was nervous. It made Kaitlin wonder if it was an old habit, if maybe he had had longer hair when he was younger. The last time she saw him, his hair hadn’t been different. She wondered if things would be easier on her if it had been different. 

Kaitlin quickly wiped her eyes, making sure no tears would spill, while Owen was grabbing his coat, getting up before she had the chance. “It was nice meeting you, Kaitlin,” he told her. The sincerity in his voice made a smile appear on Kaitlin’s face. “I’ll see you in the morning?” he half promised, half asked while he bend down to press a quick kiss against her cheek. 

The gesture came as a surprise for Kaitlin. Definitely not an unwanted one, but still a surprise. She was stunned for a moment, completely missing the light blush that crept onto Owen’s cheeks. She only felt her own cheeks heat up as she stuttered out, “Yeah… Yeah sure.” 

She silently sat there watching Owen leave. Still staring at the rotating portal after it had already closed again. It was only when Jack coughed behind her that she seemed to come out of her trance. She turned to find the Captain looking at her with a grin on his face. It looked like he had a hard time refraining himself from commenting on the events that had just taken place. 

“So I’m guessing after such an eventful night you can use a good night’s sleep. I suggest you use the pull-out couch in Jack’s office.”

Ianto’s voice startled the both of them. They looked up in unison to find Ianto standing at the bottom of the staircase with blankets and a pillow in his arms. 

“Yes, I think that’s a very good idea. Thank you, Ianto,” Kaitlin said. She shot him a genuine, grateful smile. Of course Ianto would be the one to think about such things. Kaitlin had no idea what his back story was, but it only took her one evening to figure out his role in this team. Peace maker, security blanket and, most of all, caregiver. He did it effortlessly, as if this role was invented just for him.

When Kaitlin got up and made a move in Ianto’s direction Jack’s hand on her arm stopped her. He had his pokerface on when she looked back at him and she knew nothing good would be coming out of his mouth. “Sure, you can have the couch,” he said. “Unless you want to go home with Owen of course. I’m sure you can still catch up with him if you hurry.”

He laughed out loud at his own words, unsuccessfully ducking out of the way when Kaitlin smacked the back of his head. “Don’t be ridiculous!” She hissed, stomping off towards Ianto and grabbing the blankets and pillow out of his arms. 

As she made her way to the stairs, heading for Jack’s office, she noticed him rub the back of his head. She felt slightly guilty as she realized she hit him harder than she had intended too. She didn’t apologize, however, even though she knew Jack was joking and she was overreacting. She just couldn’t help herself when it came to Owen. Just the man’s name had such a strong effect on her. She had learned a long time ago that she could never keep her feelings in check when Owen was concerned. 

Luckily for her, Jack didn’t seem too phased by her reaction. “Whatever you say, KaitKat!” he grinned as he walked towards. He mockingly raised his armed in defense as he passed her where she had come to a standstill on the bottom step of the staircase. “See you in the morning!” he added while he linked arms with Ianto.

Kaitlin watched in silence as they walked off, briefly smiling when Ianto called a “goodnight!” over his shoulder. They were quietly bickering and Ianto smacked Jack across the head lightly. Kaitlin wasn’t worried about them, though. She had seen the looks Jack had been giving Ianto all evening when he thought nobody was looking. He had never looked at anyone with more love.

She was, however, concerned about something else. She hadn’t heard the Jack’s nickname for her in years. Not since he had last travelled with her and the Doctor. The first moment after he said the word, it made her want to giggle out loud. Because she realized that in all the time they had travelled together, she had never bothered to ask him when he came up with it. Because she realized she just witnessed the first time, in his time line, that he used the name. But almost instantly, before happiness could even settle in her chest, the word also reminded her of the Doctor and how she ended up here. Of how she had no idea when the Doctor would come for her. If he would come for her at all or if maybe he was too busy trying not to crash the TARDIS. Or worse, maybe he had already crashed and he was regenerating at this very moment. 

Lost in thought she gazed around the Hub one more time as she started making her way to Jack’s office. Still worrying, she had almost already given up on the idea of getting some sleep this night. And then her eyes landed on a white coat hanging of the railing not too far away. Owen’s lab coat. ‘Maybe,’ she thought as the man’s face flashed across her mind, ‘maybe the Doctor can wait just a little bit longer.’


	4. Chapter 4

“You might as well leave the cucumber out if you’re going to cut it like that.”

Kaitlin jumped when Jack’s voice suddenly came from behind her. She just managed to avoid slicing her finger along with the cucumber she was holding. A shaky breath escaped her. Relief. Because even after everything she had seen over the years, all the adventures she went on, she still couldn’t handle the sight of her own blood. She had to take a deep breath before she was able to continue slicing. 

“Owen likes it this thin. Just enough to taste it.” 

She was so focused on the vegetable in her hand, on not slicing her fingers, that the words had left her mouth before she could think them through. When the realization what she just said hit her, she lost her focus. She was distracted for only a split second, but it was just long enough for the knife to grazed her index finger. “Fuck!” she cursed as she watched the blood appear through the cut. 

“Hey, easy there! Slow breaths. Don’t faint on me!”

Jack already had an arm around her waist before she could completely process what had happened. He guided her to the nearest chair, making sure she was steady before letting go of her. Kaitlin could hear him rummaging through cupboards as she held her eyes tightly closed, concentrating on taking deep breaths. She tried her hardest to erase the image of her bloody finger from her mind. 

“You know, I never understood this about you,” Jack told her. She could her him sit down next to her and felt him grab her hand. She understood what he had been looking for when she felt a fabric being wrapped around her finger. “The few days we travelled together were long enough for me to learn that you were one of the brave ones. First line of battle, even back when I was still on the TARDIS. Sure, you avoided killing if it wasn’t strictly necessary – the Doctor must have rubbed off on you – but you weren’t scared of a little blood when there was no other solution. Yet you were never able to handle even the tiniest drop of your own blood.”

“It’s… It’s something psychological I guess. The thought of loosing blood makes me feel weak,” Kaitlin answered him. Her eyes were still closed, but the pressure Jack was applying on her wound made her feel slightly better. “Like, whenever blood does have to flow, it’s for a good reason. Blood flows and we weaken these creatures, whatever they are or where they come from, and then we defeat them, saving others in the process. Necessary casualties. But it works the other way around as well. If they get to me, if my blood flows, there will be no more saving. We can’t all come back from the dead, Jack.”

“Well, I guess that does strangely makes sense somehow.” Jack was silent for a moment and Kaitlin could almost hear him think her explanation through. When he spoke again, his voice was suddenly a lot more giddy again. A lot more Jack. “Now, are you going to be okay? Should I go get Owen to take a look at this?”

Kaitlin shook her head in silence. In a ‘better safe than sorry’ rationale, her eyes were still closed, which is why she completely missed the smirk that appeared on Jack’s face. “Should I tell him he’ll have to wait for his sandwich a little longer?”

And so they were back to the topic that had caused Kaitlin to wound herself in the first place. She tried her best to keep her emotions under control, but she couldn’t help but feel a blush appear on her cheeks. She slowly, carefully, opened one eye. As she expected, Jack was staring at her with one eyebrow quirked. “Ianto told me?” she tried. The words came out a question, convincing not even herself.

Jack snorted out loud. “As if Ianto knows such things about Owen. He doesn’t even know such details about me. Although he does not plenty about other things I like. He once – No, nevermind,” Jack shook his head, as if trying to get his thoughts back on track. “That’s not the point here. The point is that you have some explaining to do, Kaitkat. I’m not blind. I’ve not missed you constantly staring at Owen. That first night you would have jumped into his pocket, if that would’ve been all it would take for him to take you home. From the moment he walked in to check on you after you woke up, you’ve been ogling him. I didn’t know you were a girl to believe in love at first sight.”

“I’m not.”

The words came out quietly, almost a whisper. With an air of defeat around them. Her tone caused Jack to look at her, seriously look at her face, for the first time since he entered the kitchen. The smile glided off his face. “Then what’s this all about?”

“I… It’s.. A long time ago… Or well, a long time from now…” Kaitlin sighed, frustrated. She had been hoping to avoid this. She thought she had been less obvious. But apparently she had given Jack less credit than he deserved. When it came to his friends, the man was clearly a lot more attentive than Kaitlin had thought. 

She knew there was no going back now. Jack would just keep bothering her until he got the answers he was looking for. She pinched the bridge of her nose and creases appeared on her forehead as she tried to find a good point to start her story. She eventually settled for a simple, “I met Owen years ago. He just… He appeared out of thin air on the TARDIS one day, in full flight. He had no idea what had happened, he just kept muttering about the rift.” As an afterthought she added, “Which does make a lot more sense now, since I ended up here.”

“So what happened then? You met, said your hellos and then brought him back to wherever he claimed he came from?” Jack was already sitting on the edge of his seat, urging her to continue the story.

“If only it had been that simple. Of course the Doctor and I wanted to take him back. We had no idea who he was, you know the Doctor isn’t fond of strangers on the ship. But somehow, he convinced us to let him stay.” Kaitlin fell silent for a moment, as if she was trying to remember why they agreed on letting Owen stay on board. A crooked smile graced her face when she confessed, “He told us he knew you. That’s the reason we listened long enough to let ourselves be convinced to let him stay. That moment of surprise, when he mentioned your name, was enough for him to explain about working at Torchwood.”

“He was very on his own at first. He spend most of his time wandering around the TARDIS in silence. And then the Doctor decided to make a trip to Cardiff to refuel the TARDIS on the rift. I think he also wanted to find out more about Owen. But, as things always go with the Doctor, his aim was a bit off. We ended up a few millennia later than he had intended. You guys were not around anymore of course and…” 

Kailtin considered her next words for a moment. She didn’t want to give away too much. She had very recently come to learn it wasn’t a good idea to know too much about your future or the future of the people you love. But she decided to be honest anyway. She knew Jack would understand that all of the team – except for him, but that was, of course, a completely different story – would be turned to dust long before Cardiff. So she said, “And the city center was in ruins. The Hub was mostly destroyed. It wasn’t a pretty sight. But somehow being in Cardiff again seemed to help Owen find peace.”

“And that’s when you started shagging?”

Kaitlin rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. She wasn’t exactly surprised that was the thing Jack was interested in most. Nevertheless, honesty made her admit, “Yes, I guess you could say that. When Owen left the TARDIS to wander around the city, the Doctor wanted to make sure he wasn’t alone, that he wouldn’t do anything stupid. So at first, I just spend time with him because the Doctor insisted. But then he started opening up to me. We spend hours wandering the ruins of the city and he would recall memories from a time long ago, tell stories about people he knew. Sometimes we would talk about me as well. I didn’t understand why back then, but somehow he seemed to know so much about me. Like we had known each other for ages. And one day we ended up on top of the Water Tower, coincidentally the only building still standing there in all its pride. And yes, he kissed me there. The first kiss of many.”

She gave Jack a few moments to grin brightly at her and fill in the blanks himself. Then she continued, steering the story back to what she actually wanted to talk about. “As time went on and months passed in the blink of an eye, he talked about the past a lot. He clearly missed you guys. Even The Doctor felt it, and he made sure that we were in Cardiff on a regular basis. Just to make sure that Owen didn’t go completely crazy. Up until this day, the TARDIS was never fuelled as well as back then.” 

The memories brought a smile to Kaitlin’s face. She felt nostalgic, mixed with a bit of sadness, because she knew very well the direction this story was heading in. “One day Owen was giving me a tour of the Hub. What was left of it anyway. And that’s when he told me about a lost love. The way he talked about her, it was as if… Well, as if he never had gotten over her death. As if he had never been able to move on.”

“Owen Harper with a steady girlfriend. Who would have imagined? He goes from girl to girl, I never would have pictured him as the type for a long lasting relationship.” There was a grin on Jack’s face and anybody else would probably be fooled by it. But Kaitlin had learned a long time ago that the eyes really were the gateway to Jack’s soul. One look into them and she knew he didn’t really find the story funny. She knew he cared a lot more for Owen than he would ever care to admit and it hurt him just to know that Owen was going to be hurt and heartbroken in the future. 

“He told me about that. How he used to move from girl to girl without giving them a second thought. How he used to live of flings and one night stands. But apparently with her it was different. He said that it had felt as if she had known him for years. He had never seen her before in his life, but she made him feel like that from the moment she first arrived at Torchwood.”

“Wait, what? One of use? Or someone who will join the team?” Jack’s brow was furrowed and he sounded as if he had a really hard time believing the team would expand any time soon.

“Something like that. Hear me out,” Kaitlin said in an effort to calm him down, even though she knew it was useless. When he would hear what she was about to tell him, he would be anything but calm. “He told me how he felt so at ease around her. It felt like coming home. He explained how she changed him. Insisted she made him a better man. A friend, a lover, I believe at one point he even used the word soulmate.”

“So do you know what she looks like, that soulmate? Anyone in particular I should be on the lookout for? Be sure that I don’t get my hands on her before Owen does?”

Kaitlin couldn’t help but smile at the way Jack reacted. “I don’t think Ianto would be very pleased with that,” she teased. Jack merely shrugged in response, but Kaitlin could see in his eyes that he didn’t mean it, that he would never do such a thing to Ianto. Or Owen, for that matter. All mouth and no trousers, typical Harkness.

“Even if you weren’t just all talk and no action, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I have it from a good source that she is not interested in you that way. Not at all actually. But to answer your question: no, Owen never showed me a picture. I asked him about her, to tell me stories about the time they spend together, but he never wanted to elaborate on things. After trying once or twice, I figured the memories were too personal, that he didn’t want to share them, share her, with anyone else. So I stopped asking. And then…”

Kaitlin fell quiet as memories suddenly washed over her again. Memories that she’d rather not recall, that seemed unreal with Owen happily chatting with Toshiko just a room away. She almost hoped Jack would throw a silly joke into the conversation. But Jack stayed silent, for once patiently waiting for her to continue her story, as if he could feel the weight that had suddenly appeared, weighing heavily on Kaitlin’s chest. 

Seconds ticked by in silence as Kaitlin tried to find a way to continue her story without bursting into tears or giving away things about the future that Jack was not supposed to know. Because the future should be kept a secret, but also because Kaitlin knew it would hurt him, something she wanted to avoid at all costs. Jack had been hurt too much already, was hurting because she told him Owen would get hurt. Yet she didn’t see any other option. She couldn’t keep this to herself any longer and Jack was the only one she could tell this. The only one that would understand.

Eventually she swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump constricting her throat and failing. She said, “And then one day, it was all over. Owen… left.” The verb didn’t quite cover the actual story and Kaitlin was sure that Jack could see right through her hesitation. However, he didn’t ask and she preferred not to have him know that ‘left’ in this case was synonym for ‘died in my arms’. So before he got a chance to call her on it, Kaitlin quickly continued, “And right before he… left, he told me, “I still don’t get how you so much younger now. After all this time. But it was so amazing to be with you again. Take care of yourself, love.”

Kaitlin took a moment to blink away the tears that suddenly threatened to spill. She waited a few seconds to see if Jack was going to comment on what she had just told him. But all Jack could do was stare at her, his mouth slightly ajar. If it had been in any other situation, Kaitlin would have been proud about the fact that she was able to effectively leave Captain Jack Harkness speechless. In this case, however, she used the moment of stunned silence to push the thoughts of Owen’s last breath as far to the back of her mind as possible. She quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, only barely avoiding a spill-over of tears.

She let out a heavy sigh and reminded herself that the worst part of the story was over now. A few more deep breaths to calm herself down and then she continued, “For the longest time I had no idea what he meant by that. Why did he use the word again? He had told The Doctor and me he had never travelled in time before being on the TARDIS, so how could he remember an older version of me? I spend days thinking back about encounters that I had almost forgotten about, people I only barely remembered meeting. And I was absolutely sure I had never met Owen before. And yet he seemed so convinced. It didn’t make any sense to me. None whatsoever. And then I met River Song.” 

“River Song? Who is that?” Jack chose this moment to regain his speaking ability again, interrupting her with the most obvious question. 

“The Doctor’s wife.” The words came out in a dismissive manner, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And to Kaitlin it was. It had taken her some time to get used to the idea that the Doctor was capable of affection beyond friendship, to link his name to the union that was a marriage, but after all this time travelling with the time lord she couldn’t imagine otherwise.

Jack clearly didn’t share that opinion. “The Doctor is married?” he exclaimed, eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets.

“It’s a long story. But that’s beside the point now, Jack!” Kaitlin waved her hands in a dismissive manner. Small talk and gossip could wait, there was something far more important that she needed Jack to know. “What I’m trying to get at is that there was something she told me. When I met her for the third or fourth time I just had to know what was going on. Because they always seemed random, the moments that she showed up, even though looking back I know they never really were. I asked her about that, why she showed up like that. Why she showed up at all. She smiled at me, as if she had been waiting for me to ask that question. And she talked about her parents, about meeting the Doctor for the first time. Writing all their adventures together meticulously down in her diary. About being determined to show the Doctor he is loved. But what struck me the most was what she said about their time streams. I remember the words so clearly, as if it was yesterday. She said, “My past is his future. We’re travelling in opposite directions. Every time we meet, I know him more, he knows me less. I live for the days when I see him, but I know that every time I do he’ll be one step further away.” 

For a moment Jack simply stared at her. Kaitlin could almost see the gears in his head turning, but she could also tell he didn’t understand. Her thoughts were confirmed when he wondered out loud, “Why are you telling me this now?”

It took Kaitlin a great effort to not sigh out loud. She needed Jack to understand this. After sharing her story, her and Owen’s, with Jack, she needed him to get what was going on. She needed someone she could share her worries with. Her fears. “I’m telling you this because I finally understood,” she exclaimed, impatiently. “I immediately had to think about Owen. Don’t you get it, Jack? That’s what happens. I’m… I’m going to die here, Jack.”

If Kaitlin would get a dollar for every time she stunned Jack to silence, she would have made a good amount of money today. Because once again, the captain stared at her with big bulging eyes, mouth hanging agape. 

When Jack spoke again, he, surprisingly, sounded mad. “That’s ridiculous!” he snapped. “Don’t say such a thing! Death is not something to joke around about.”

This time Kaitlin couldn’t suppress the frustrated sigh. She did understand where Jack was coming from, she really did. He had seen a lot of people pass away. Lost people he loved and cared about. And she knew that even if he believed in an afterlife, nobody was able to tell him when he would see them again. He had watched loved ones pass away while he himself couldn’t stay dead even if he wanted to. He wasn’t ready, never would be ready, to lose another one. And Kaitlin understood that frustrated him and that he didn’t take death lightly. But she also needed him to understand she was not joking around.

“I’m serious here, Jack! I know very well that death is not something to joke about!” The words left her mouth harsher than she had intended them to. She took a deep breath to calm herself down a bit. Then she continued, “Think about it, Jack. Owen clearly had met me before. He said I looked younger than how he remembered me. Which can only mean that we met in his past, but my future. Which is exactly where we are right now.”

Another silence. Again, Kaitlin could see Jack think. She saw him put all the pieces together. She could tell he was trying to come up with a different explanation. Something less hurtful. And she could see him fail. 

Eventually Jack spoke again, and his words came out a careful whisper. “Are you sure?” he wanted to know. The sound of his voice made Kaitlin let out a relieved sigh. Because the way he spoke, she knew he believed her. He understood her fears.

“I was never a hundred percent sure,” she confided in him. “Not until I arrived here and I saw Owen again. He looks so much younger than when we first met. He has no idea who I am, while I know everything about him. About his future and my past. I was reminded of River’s words the moment I lied eyes on Owen again. And in that moment I just knew. His past, my future. My end.”

“Can’t we –“ Jack began. Kaitlin could hear the worry in his voice. Fear of losing someone close to him again. 

“So should we expecting those sandwiches anytime soon?”

Before Kaitlin could even begin to think about a way to calm Jack down, to calm herself down, Ianto interrupted Jack. Much like a few days before, on Kaitlin’s first night at the Hub, they both jumped at the sound of his voice. They made the same swift movement to sit up straight and Kaitlin realized they had unconsciously huddled close together. Sharing secrets that nobody else was supposed to know. 

Jack was the first one to recover. “They’re almost finished. Just give her a few minutes,” he informs Ianto. His eyes never leave Kaitlin. “Right?”

The moment of silence between Jack’s question and Kaitlin’s answer was short. Barely there, yet long enough for a wordless conversation to take place. Jack didn’t need words to inform Kaitlin that they would surely be discussing this again at a later time. 

“Yeah, sure,” Kaitlin said, answering both Ianto’s and Jack’s unasked questions at the same time. “Just a few more minutes and I’ll be ready.”

Jack nodded briefly, before getting up and ushering Ianto out of the kitchen under the motto of letting her work in silence. 

Kaitlin stared after them as they left the room. It was only when she heard Owen’s laugh coming from another room that she seemed to be snapped back to reality again. She quickly shook her head in an effort to get rid of the bad memories. Then she got up to find a band-aid for her finger, so she could go finish those sandwiches.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days after her conversation with Jack Kaitlin found herself high above Cardiff. She had been spending at least the last half hour enjoying the silence on top of the Water Tower. The 80 meter high building stood proudly on the north side of Roald Dahl Plass and was conveniently located right above the Hub. The view over the city that you had from the roof of the tower was amazing. 

Kaitlin was watching the sun quickly setting above the harbor, making room for the moon to come out and play, when the silence was interrupted by a voice coming from behind her. “You really shouldn’t disappear like that. We do worry about you, you know.” 

Traveling with the Doctor meant that Kaitlin didn’t usually have much quiet, peaceful moments in her life. For that reason, it normally irritated her when people interrupted those moments, as they were short enough as it was. And had it been any other person, she probably would have been annoyed. But not with him, never with him. 

“Sorry,” she said without looking at him. “I’m kind of avoiding Jack. I figured you would know that I would be up here.”

“Avoiding Jack isn’t going to work very well with that earpiece in. Tosh tracked you. You’re lucky I insisted that I would come up here to see what you were doing. And I don’t think anybody has ever been up here. I had no idea this was even possible. There are so many shafts and hallways starting from the Hub, I don’t think anybody ever bothered to check where they all went.” 

“Right.” Kaitlin internally cursed herself. She kept forgetting that Owen had no idea who she was until a couple of days ago. It was so easy to let her guard down around him and things kept slipping out. Small snippets of her past, little hints of what was coming. 

Owen seemed oblivious to her internal struggles. “It’s nice though. I should come here more often,” he easily babbled on as he sat down next to her. Two pairs of feet dangling over the edge of the tower. 

Kaitlin quietly listened while Owen talked. She tried to enjoy his company, even though her heart ached as he talked. She tried not to think about all the nights they had spend here when she was younger. Or the fact that he was the one that showed her this place, albeit in a less perfect state. Their place, where they would go into hiding from the Doctor if they had wanted to be alone. It was so easy to forget that this was not the man she had known, not yet. 

“Do you realize it’s kind of creepy when you do that?”

Fingers snapping in front of her eyes brought Kaitlin back to reality. She realized her thoughts had drifted off. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You stare,” Owen answered. He didn’t seem annoyed, just curious. A small smile graced his face and as usual, Kaitlin’s heart skipped a beat. “It’s not the first time you’ve been doing it either. It’s like… Like you’re trying to figure me out, while at the same time you seem to be miles away. ”

“Years.” A blush spread across Kaitlin’s cheeks as soon as the word left her mouth. She could just refrain from clasping her hand to her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but somehow she couldn’t help herself. Another snippet that escaped her. Her brain-to-mouth filter seemed to be down when she was around Owen. 

Again, however, Owen merely seemed curious. When he didn’t say anything, she continued, “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to, it’s just… the things you say, the way you behave, they remind me of somebody that I used to know.”

“I don’t want to be a ghost of someone else.” Kaitlin could tell that the words weren’t meant as an acquisition. Owen simply stated a fact, an opinion.

The situation shouldn’t be funny at all. It wasn’t really, but Kaitlin couldn’t help but let out a nervous giggle at Owen’s words. If only he had any idea of how wrong he was. If only he would knew they would have this conversation again in the future. Only it would be her telling him she didn’t want to be a ghost of his former lover and him nervously grinning, the standard hand brushing through barely existing hair. 

“Oh, you’re not,” she assured him when she noticed him crooking an eyebrow. “You’re really not. It’s just… It’s hard to explain. You don’t want to know. You wouldn’t believe it anyway.”

“Maybe I do. Try me.”

Curiously Kaitlin looked at Owen for a moment, thinking. What if she told him? Would he believe her? But then she remembered how flabbergasted she had been when he had showed up. How long it had taken her to trust this man who she had never met before, yet who seemed to know so much about her. She didn’t want to put all these doubts, insecurities, sleepless nights on Owen, so she just said, “No, trust me, you really don’t want to know.”

“Okay.” 

Kaitlin could hear in his voice that Owen was still curious. But she knew he wouldn’t push her for an explanation. He respected people’s opinions and boundaries. She had always liked that about him. 

A comfortable silence fell between them. Both seemed content to just sit on top of the tower for a while, enjoying each other’s company and the view of Cardiff. The view was so different from what Kaitlin remembered and she wasn’t sure that she liked this perfect city better than the ruins she had gotten so used to back then. They used to spend hours on top of the Water Tower, her and Owen. Watching people make their way through the city ruins. The sun going down at the docks where now the harbor could be seen. Gazing at the stars some nights. Sharing laughs, long talks and kisses with Owen. She realized that, as time had passed, she had slowly forgotten how much she missed nights like those. 

Kaitlin know she probably shouldn’t, that it wasn’t going to do her mental state any good, but she let the memories flow freely. Stolen moments that were just the two of them. Dancing in the rain. Kisses under the stars. Sweaty skin on skin and no regrets. It was hard to believe those things happened so long ago. Wouldn’t happen until years in the future.

“You probably should have brought a coat.”

Two arms wrapping around her middle pulled Kaitlin out of her thoughts. She could feel Owen’s body heat radiating against her skin and she realized she had been shivering. 

“It’s not from the cold that I’m shivering. Just… this place holds a lot of good memories,” she felt obligated to explain.

“Oh. Sorry! I -”

“No, it’s fine.” Kaitlin quickly interrupted Owen’s apology. She felt him starting to pull away and gently put her hands on top of his to stop the movement.

When she was sure Owen wasn’t going anywhere, she allowed herself to relax and lean back against his chest. Her heart hurt from the combination of old memories coming back at the same time as new ones were being formed. Her brain yelled at her that she was going to regret this. But she couldn’t find it in herself to care. The corners of her mouth simply curled upwards when she felt Owen tighten his grip, pulling her as close as possible. 

“I forgot how beautiful this was. How magnificent Cardiff is from above. Did you know…”

As the sun sunk below the horizon completely, Kaitlin talked and talked. Little facts she had learned about Cardiff, big stories about the universe, all the places she had travelled. She was content to talk, while Owen listened. Every now and then he would hum in response, but mostly he let her do the talking, occupying his time with using his thumbs to gently rub circles against her sides. It was only when she felt his lips press against the hair falling along her neck that she realized he wasn’t listening anymore.

“You know, there’s a reason why I insisted on being the one that came to check on you,” Owen informed her when he noticed she had stopped talking. When the only response coming from Kaitlin was a hum, he added, “Please tell me if I overstep any bounderies.” The words came out as a husky whisper and caused Kaitlin to shiver. 

A second shiver quickly followed when she realized Owen was pushing aside her hair to grant his mouth better access to her neck. “Not by a long shot,” she assured him. The words came out a lot breathier than she had intended. 

She could feel Owen smile against her neck. “Good,” he breathed against her skin as he continued to attack it with his lips. Kaitlin could already tell there were going to be marks in the morning. 

When his lips grazed past her ear, he stopped to whisper, “Good, because I like you a lot more than I had originally intended. I can’t explain it, but there is something about you. You feel like coming home.”

Kaitlin knew she shouldn’t let get this out of hand any further than it already had. She knew it would hurt both of them in the end. But here, on the roof in Owen’s arms, one of the only places where she felt safe, she didn’t care. When he spoke those words, she pushed any thoughts of the future, of moments to come and moments long passed, to the back of her mind. Without hesitation she turned around in Owen’s arms. Before he had a chance to realize what was happening, she had already attached her lips to his. The way he moaned into her mouth when she slowly started working at the buttons of his shirt told her he wasn’t going to complain.


	6. Chapter 6

After her amazing – magical, she liked to think – night on the Water Tower with Owen, time seemed to speed up and come to a standstill at the same time. One moment it seemed like just yesterday that Kaitlin arrived in the Hub and the next it felt as if days have passed in the blink of an eye. 

Most of her time was spend with Owen. Because she fell for him again, and a lot harder than she had anticipated. But also because she knew Jack wouldn’t bring up their conversation from all that time ago when Owen is near. She knew he was worried about Owen finding out. The first time she realized that, she had scoffed. She had felt insulted that Jack would even dare to think she would tell Owen the horrible secret they both carried with them. But over time she had understood that he was just worried, trying to take care of his team. 

Jack was no idiot and he had soon realized what was going on, had tried to corner her on more than one occasion. It had only caused her to flee further into Owen’s arms. That was one thing about Jack’s actions that she didn’t complain about. Dancing in the moonlight, stolen kisses when they thought nobody was watching. Sleeping in an actual bed again, in Owen’s arms, ever since he asked her to stay at his place after that night on the roof of the Water Tower. 

For a while, things were great. The entire Torchwood team had welcomed Kaitlin with open arms and she felt accepted and loved. When Jack wasn’t trying to talk to her about what was coming in their future, he was as amazing as always to be around. And she felt like she fell more in love with Owen with each passing day. Kaitlin enjoyed life again and all worries seemed to be pushed to a far away dusty corner of her brain. With the Hub constantly buzzing with activity and being around Owen all the time, it became easy to not worry about death for a while. It even became easy to almost forget about the Doctor and the life she used to lead. The present was treating her well, so instead of thinking about the past or the future, she enjoyed the now. She let her guard down. And of course, that was when things took a turn for the worst.

It happened on a quiet afternoon. Whenever Kaitlin jokingly wondered what they actually did around there, the team insisted that life had been quieter than usual since Kaitlin arrived. No major attacks or strange cases reported by the cops, so little work for Torchwood. But that one particular day, there had been no disturbances all day, not even a Weevil attack to bring at least some action. Kaitlin was sitting in the conference room with Owen and Gwen, lazily discussing whether they should throw a barbeque sometime soon, now that the weather was actually nice and work was slow, when Tosh came running in. “We’re under attack!” she yelled before she had even fully entered the room. 

Before anyone of the trio can react, Jack popped his head round the door. “What was that?”

“We are under attack!” Tosh yelled again. She seemed distressed and annoyed by the fact that the team wasn’t immediately reacting. Her emotions surprised Kaitlin, as she had learned over the past time that Tosh was usually the calm, rationale one. Her reacting this way had to mean that something was seriously wrong. 

Jack seemed to share her thoughts, for as soon as he walked further into the room, closely followed by Ianto, he questioned, “Just like that? How did that happen?”

“I don’t know!” Tosh was in near hysterics now. It had Kaitlin wondering what on earth could be going on outside that even Tosh nearly lost it.

“They didn’t come through the rift. They just appeared out of the sky and started attacking!” Tosh slammed a picture onto the table. She talk a deep breath then, and the new supply of oxygen seemed to have a calming effect. Though there was still a panicky edge to her voice when she said, “I have no idea what they are, but they are clearly not human.”

A moments of silence followed, as everybody stared at the picture on the table. The next moment Jack announced, “Well, let’s figure out what we’re dealing with then. Let’s go!” The team changed into a whirlwind of action and they were all running out the door as quick as their legs would allow them to.

Kaitlin was the last one in line to follow everybody out and just as she was about to go through the door, a hand on her chest stopped her. “Where do you think you’re going, Kaitkat?” Jack demanded.

Quirking up one eyebrow, Kaitlin answered him, “Out with you guys, obviously.”

“I don’t think so!”

Kaitlin rolled her eyes in response, annoyance almost. “Jack,” she started.

“Jack is right, love,” Owen interrupted her before she could even start to defend her case. “This is what we do. We’re used to this. You’re not. It’s too dangerous for you out there.”

In disbelief, Kaitlin stared at Owen for a moment. When all he did was stare back, her gaze shifted to Jack. He didn’t seem willing to compromise either. With a frustrated groan, she turned around and stomped to the table. Before either of the men had a chance to move, she had grabbed Tosh’s picture still lying there. 

Whirling around, waving the picture at the two men, she told them, “These are Sontarans. They are an alien warrior race who live to kill. They are fearless of death. One of their very few weak points is the probic vent at the back of their neck, which they use for nutrition. They have tried to enslave the people of earth before and chances are that is exactly what they are trying to do now as well.” 

Her words stunned both men to silence. She saw them exchange a look and couldn’t help but grin. They were clearly impressed by her knowledge.

It was Jack who eventually broke the silence. “Well Owen, I have to admit, I never depicted you as going for the smart girls.” His voice was a mixture of emotion. He sounded happy, sad, worried all at once and Kaitlin knew it had nothing to do with her being a smart girl and everything with the secret they shared. 

Owen didn’t seem to notice the range of emotions. Or if he did, he ignored it. He simply shrugged, a sheeping grin lighting up his face. “I got lucky, this one found me. I still don’t know what I did to deserve her.” 

Another look was exchanged and then Owen turned to face Kaitlin. With a sigh, he agreed, “Fine. You are coming with us. But you have to promise me to be careful. I don’t want to lose you.” 

His choice of words made a shiver run down Kaitlin’s spine and she suddenly had a bad feeling about this. Her gaze automatically went to Jack. “Maybe-” she started.

Before she could start to voice her thoughts, however, Gwen’s face appeared in the door. “Guys, what is taking you so long? Save the crap for later, right now we have a city to save!”

“Trust me, it’s not just the city that is at risk here. More like a planet to save.” The words left Kaitlin’s mouth before she had made a conscious decision to say them. Looking back later, she would realize it would be that it was in that moment, that decision, that her entire future was shaped. It was in that moment that she knew that, no matter how scared she was or worried about her own future, she would always care more about the rest of the world than about herself.

So she took a decision. She breathed “I promise I’m not going anywhere!” against Owen’s lips before pressing a quick kiss on them. He smiled in response as she grabbed his hand. She pinched it in reassurance as they ran out, following Jack and Gwen to see what was happening outside their protected cocoon. 

When they reached ground level and ran outside to see with their own eyes what was going on, all of them stopped dead in their tracks after only a few steps. It looked as if World War III was happening. Which, Kaitlin realized after laying eyes on their alien invaders, possibly wasn’t that far from the truth. Only that this was not a war in this world, it would become a war between two worlds, two species, if they didn’t fix things soon.

After what felt like mere seconds, Jack started barking out orders. To Kaitlin’s surprise, the team listened without questioning him. She had gotten so used to fast discussions and small arguments, it felt weird to see them function without. But then again, this was war. And if anybody knew about war, it was Captain Jack Harkness.

In the brief moments that Kaitlin had been lost in her thoughts, the team had gotten all their orders. She felt Owen press a kiss to her lips. His lips moved against hers roughly. Passionately but urgently. They were making an unspoken promise that he would take care of himself. An unspoken plea for her to do the same. 

His “I love you!” was only meant for her to hear. The situation they were in wasn’t a laughable matter, but the words still put a smile on her face. It was the first time he said it and she knew it wasn’t just because of the danger they were in. She knew it was because he really meant it. The thought made her heart skip a beat.

Before she had time to whisper the words back, Owen lightly pinched her hand in reassurance, just like she had done minutes earlier. Then she felt his hand slip from hers, making her arm fall to her side. 

As she watched him run off with Tosh, Jack grabbed her other hand. He yelled one word, but it was enough to make her completely forget all thoughts about love and Owen for now. Enough to get completely into battle mode. He shouted, “Run!” 

In what seemed like the next moment, Kaitlin found herself in a warehouse, hunched behind a pile of wooden crates. When the Doctor asks her about it later, she realizes she has no idea how she got there. It seemed like she was functioning completely on adrenalin. Jack was sitting next to her, back pushed against the crates. 

The Sontarans had made their way into the building shortly after Kaitlin and Jack had arrived. Gunshots could be heard all around them, switching with screams and the occasional explosion. The humans that had been at work in the warehouse weren’t giving up their ground without a fight, but it sounded like their numbers were dwindling quickly.

“Now what do we do?” Kaitlin asked. She briefly wondered if she should have whispered, but when another explosion shock the crated they were hiding behind she realized it didn’t matter. The sounds coming from the environment were too loud that Jack wouldn’t have heard her otherwise. 

Jack didn’t answer immediately, instead looked at her as if he was contemplating something. Calculating the risks of his next decision. Kaitlin wasn’t particularly fond of that look on his face. Eventually he answered her question with one of his own, wanting to know, “How good is your aim?”

“What?” Kaitlin’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. 

Again, Jack stayed silent for a moment. Instead of answering, he carefully rose a bit, just enough to be able to look over his shoulder to see what was going on at the other side of the crates. Following his lead Kaitlin risked a peak over the crates as well. The sight before them was not a pleasant one. Most workers were being cornered by the Sontarans and too many bodies were already laying on the floor severely wounded. When Jack’s eyes met Kaitlin’s, they both could see the worried expression in each other’s eyes. 

Another shot was fired and while both of them quickly hunched back down again, Kaitlin could see the emotion in Jack’s eyes change from worry to determination. “Aim for the back of their necks, right?” he finally answered her previous, surprised question. She didn’t get time to respond, as he immediately handed her a gun.

A feeling of despair came over Kaitlin the moment the cold metal touched her hand. It felt heavy, just like the hopelessness of their situation suddenly felt heavy in the air. It felt wrong as well. Kaitlin wasn’t used to having a gun. One of the first things she learned when travelling with the Doctor was how much he disliked guns. She hadn’t understood at first, as she thought they could come in handy in certain situations. It was only later that she had learned the Doctor was right of course. Situations where guns were involved never ended well. Seeing, however, no other option, Kaitlin accepted the gun. 

When her fingers closed around the weapon, it suddenly hit her. This was it. The moment that they had been going toward all along. The moment that she was going to die. It surprised her that she didn’t feel scared. Maybe it was the adrenalin still running through her body, but in that moment she didn’t fear death. Not her own at least.

“This isn’t going to end well,” she muttered the obvious as she got into a position that would allow her to take proper aim. If she was doing this, she was going to take down as many of the Sontarans as possible. The more of them she killed, the safer Owen would be. 

From the corner of her eye she could see Jack glance in her direction while he copied her stance. Before he had time to ask what she was saying, however, there it was. That familiar sound she would recognize everywhere. One look at Jack told her she wasn’t imagining things. His face told her he had heard it too. The wheezing sound of hope.

Neither of them spoke for a moment and they simply stared at each other. In the next split second they wordlessly agreed, making the same decision at the same time. And then they were running to the exit, hunched over to make sure they were not spotted by their attackers.

As soon as they were outside Kaitlin bumped into Jack, who had stopped dead in his tracks. He was staring at the sight in front of him as if he still couldn’t believe it.

They were in an empty dead end alleyway. Empty, aside from the big blue box hanging in midair. Kaitlin couldn’t remember a time where she had been this happy to see the TARDIS. In fact, she was sure no such moment existed.

The Doctor was hanging halfway out the doors, holding himself to the frame with one hand and urgently motioning to Kaitlin and Jack with the other. “Come on, Kaitlin!” he yelled, waving to make it clear that he wanted her inside as soon as possible. “I don’t know how long she can keep this up!”

As if on cue, a huff left the TARDIS and she fell a yard before managing to stabilize again. The Doctor looked worried, but Kaitlin knew it was only a reaction to his words. The TARDIS was showing him she didn’t like to be insulted. Despite the strange and dangerous situation they were in at the moment, a laugh escaped Kaitlin’s lips. She had always loved the old girl and her antics and only now realized how much she had missed her and her most important passenger.

“Kaitlin!”

Leaving her no chance to reminisce, the Doctor yelled Kaitlin’s name again. His request sounded urgent and at the sound of another explosion inside the buildings, his features further contorted into worry. 

“I can’t!”

The words left her mouth before she even had time to finish the thought. But she wasn’t taking them back. As soon as they passed her lips, she realized she meant every word of it. She really couldn’t. She couldn’t leave the city behind like this. She couldn’t leave the team to deal with this mess on their own. And most importantly, she couldn’t leave without Owen.

The Doctor didn’t seem to share her worries, as his face twisted into a frown and he exclaimed, “What do you mean, you can’t? This is no time for games! Get in here, Kaitlin!”

“I’m not playing games,” Kaitlin yelled back. “I can’t leave like this!” She looked over her shoulder at Jack, desperately willing him to understand. To take her side on this matter.

Jack nodded in response and Kaitlin thought he understood. When he spoke, however, she knew that he only got half of her worries. “We’ll be fine,” he said. “All of us. We are going to be okay, I promise!”

“You can’t make that kind of promise! This is war, Jack!” Kaitlin threw up her hands in exasperation. She sighed when she saw the look on Jack’s face. As if he just got slapped across it. Trying to keep her voice calm and steady, she continued, “Look, I know you’ll all be fine. I… This is not the last time you meet me. But…”

A lump formed in Kaitlin’s throat and she had to force out the next words. Barely audible above the explosions still happening in the background, she told Jack, “But I won’t meet you again. Don’t you get it, Jack? This is it. This is what Owen must have meant. I’m supposed to die here.” Her next words were directed at the Doctor as much as they were at Jack. “I can’t just go. We all know we can’t mess up history like that.”

For a moment, none of them spoke. Or at least not out loud. Kaitlin looked from the Doctor to Jack and back again, not missing the silent conversation that took place between the two. It seemed that the Doctor was pleading. 

Before she had a chance to question what was going on, Jack was speaking again in a rushed voice. “No, I understand perfectly. I think you don’t get it. You need to get into that TARDIS. I’ll just…” He paused. Not searching for the right words, but as if he was playing out the words in his mind. As if he was making sure he himself really understood the consequences of what he was going to say.

When he continued, his voice was perfectly calm. Kaitlin knew he had made a decision for himself and there was going to be little to no room for arguments. That’s how it worked when Captain Jack Harkness made up his mind.

“I’ll tell them you died. That the Sontarans burned your body or took it or something like that. I’ll be the only one that knows and I promise to keep the secret. Because you are needed elsewhere. We’ll be alright here. The Doctor needs you to help him save the universe in other places. I know this will hurt people, but I rather have you travelling the universe, not knowing when I’ll see you again, than knowing you’re gone forever.”

Kaitlin stared at him in silence for a moment, replaying conversations with Owen again in her head. She knew she shouldn’t even be contemplating this, but she couldn’t help herself. Like she had stated to Jack a few minutes earlier, this was war. And if she could help it, she’d really rather not die. 

So she thought about it. Recalled the sparse conversations that she had had about this with Owen. And she realized that he never told her he actually watched her die. She realized that all that pain, the never being able to let go of her, it must have come from the fact that he never got to say goodbye to her. 

“Okay.” Another explosion made the ground rumble and her reaction inaudible. But one look at the Doctor and Jack let Kaitlin know that they both perfectly understood what she was saying. They wore matching expressions of relief on their faces.

The gunshots were following each other quicker now and seemed to be closer. Kaitlin knew they wouldn’t be standing here in peace for much longer. Hence, as soon as her decision was made, she stepped forward to hug Jack. 

“Tell Owen I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break my promise. Tell him I love him too!” She urgently whispered in his ear.

“Will do!” Came Jack’s response as his arms closed around her body in return. 

“Thank you for everything, Jack! And good luck!” she said. Then she leaned back out the embrace a bit, making sure to look Jack in the eyes as she added, “I’ll see you around!”

“I’m counting on it, Kaitkat!” Jack responded as he briefly pulled her close again. 

As if they were performing some sort of complicated three way dance, Kaitlin was holding the Doctor’s hand as soon as she was completely out of Jack’s embrace. There was no hesitation anymore. She knew, she felt that this was supposed to happen. So she grabbed the Doctor’s hand as tight as she could and jumped into the TARDIS.

One fleeting second, it seemed as if the Doctor was going to stretch out his hand again to pull Jack in as well. He decided against it at the last moment, instead simply shooting Jack a questioning look and nudging his head towards the inside of the TARDIS. 

The small smile that appeared on Jack’s face settled it. Without saying anything, all three of them knew that Jack wasn’t joining Kaitlin and the Doctor. He would never leave his team behind just like that. 

So instead of pressing the issue, urging Jack to follow them to safety, The Doctor just smiled that famous crooked smile of his as Jack saluted him. A small nod, and then they were both watching Jack run back towards the building. Back towards his team. 

As soon as Jack was out of sight, the doors of the TARDIS closed. Kaitlin didn’t even have to ask where they were going off to, she knew the answer was as far away as possible.


	7. Chapter 7

“Wait, so you are saying all this happened because you pushed a wrong button? All of this could have been avoided if you had just paid a little more attention? Are you kidding me?”

“You sound like you regret it?”

Kaitlin knows that the Doctor’s question is aimed to distract her. She knows she shouldn’t fall for it so easily. But as soon as the words have left his mouth, any anger she might have had dissolves into thin air. With a sigh she confesses, “I don’t regret any of it. Not really. It’s just… look at him. 

She motions with one arm to where Owen is sitting on his knees. The sound of his ugly sobbing can be heard even at the distance they are at. He arrived moments ago, adding more flowers to the dozens that were already surrounding her grave. Jack must have taken care of that detail of their story.

“You wonder if it was worth it.” The words aren’t a question, just a simple statement. The truth. Because, as always, the Doctor seems to understand Kaitlin better than she understands herself. 

After a moment of silence he continues with his analysis of her feelings. “You’re wondering, for the same reason you it took you quite a while to let Owen back in when you met him again. The same reason it took you some time to really fall for him again. Because every time you saw him happy you remembered how sad he was going to be.”

Kaitlin doesn’t say anything, instead nods in confirmation.

“It broke your heart,” the Doctor says. Again, a statement and not a question. “Because what’s the point in him being happy now if he is going to be sad later?”

Kaitlin feels him look at her. She tries to come up with an answer, but she can’t find one. She settles for a shrug of her shoulders.

“The answer is, of course, because he is going to be sad later.”

Silence settles around them as Kaitlin slowly lets his words sink in. The only sound iss coming from Owen’s crying in the distance. The Doctor iss right, of course. He usually is. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. No matter what he tells her, it will always hurt to see Owen like this. Heartbroken and alone. Knowing she is the reason for this. It will always hurt that she had to break her promise and that they didn’t got a chance to say goodbye. Not this time at least.

They seem to be standing there for ages. Time slowly ticking by as they watch Owen break down. Eventually the moment comes where Kaitlin can’t take it anymore. She can no longer just stand there and watch Owen cry over her. However, right at the moment where she makes a conscious decision to move, take a step forward, she feels a hand gently close around her own. She wants to run towards Owen, hug him and let out all her secrets, but the gentle gesture of the Doctor stops her.

He doesn’t say a word, but he doesn’t have to. She knows he understands. He probably understands better than anyone ever should. She wonders if he dares to ever look back again. And how many times he has been in her position already. How many lives, how many loved ones he has lost in all those years of time and space. 

The unasked questions in her head remind her of something she hadn’t given much thought before. Something that happened when they were reunited not too long ago. “Hey, I didn’t think about back then, but I just realized something,” she starts before the Doctor says something and makes her lose the thought again. “Since when do you run from a fight? Back in 2008, when you picked me up again. Why didn’t we stay and fight with Jack and his team? Since when do you not always try to protect humankind?”

“Since it could have killed you.”

The Doctor speaks so calmly, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. It isn’t, however, to Kaitlin. She barely manages to choke out a “What?” that does nothing to hide her surprise. 

For a long moment the Doctor stays silent. It causes Kaitlin to look away from Owen and at the man standing next to her. She finds him staring off in the distance, just like she was doing seconds before. He doesn’t look at her when he starts talking. “You’ve been around for so long now, Kaitlin. Ten human years. Without any breaks. That’s more than any of my other companions. You stepped into the TARDIS and never looked back. You had no idea about the consequences, but you did it anyway. And neither of us knew there would be consequences for me too.”

He pauses for a moment, still refusing to look at her. The way his hand is still wrapped around hers feels secure, confident almost. But Kaitlin has known the Doctor for too long. She doesn’t miss that slight tremor in his voice when he continues. “I need you, Kaitlin,” he confesses. “You make me a better person. And I’m not sure what will happen to me when you are not around anymore.”

Kaitlin is almost scared to let out her thoughts. Scared of hurting him. But she knows the Doctor and she knows how much he can take. Even so, it still comes out a whisper when she says, “I can’t give you forever.” 

The words cause him to finally look at her. A sad smile graces his face and Kaitlin hates the fact that she is the one that put it there. 

“Oh, I know that. You have no idea how much I know that.” Another pause, followed by another confession. “I’ve seen the future, Kaitlin. It’s beautiful and messy and joyous and heartbreaking all at once. It’s also nothing you need to worry about. All you need to know is that you were not supposed to die in Cardiff in 2008.” 

“But you know when?” 

Silence surrounds them for a while. Kaitlin knows, sees in his face, that the Doctor is contemplating how much he can tell her. Eventually, he opts for, “I’ll know it when I see it. All you need to know is that it wasn’t there.”

“The future can change.” Kaitlin has no idea why she keeps pushing the issue. Is it because Owen’s sobs can still be heard in the distance? Is it because this all hurt her, because the Doctor’s decision hurt her? Either way, she figures the Doctor owes her an explanation. A better one than ‘I’ve seen the future’.

“Not this future,” the Doctor speaks through gritted teeth. To anyone else, it would look like he is annoyed by Kaitlin, is starting to get mad at her. Kaitlin can see his eyes, however, and she knows the only person he is mad at is himself. Her thoughts get confirmed when he finally speaks again. “I don’t want this future to change. Not in that way at least. That’s why I ran with you. That’s why Owen is hurt. Don’t you get it?” His voice is suddenly urgent, desperate for Kaitlin to understand. He grips her arm tightly as he continues, “Someone once told me that I should never travel alone. So I acted selfish. Because I cannot lose you yet.”

All Kaitlin can do in response is stare at him. She has no idea how to react to that. A confession. It almost sounds like a love confession, but she knows it isn’t. She’s heard him talk to the ghost of River Song when he thought no one was listening. She has seen the pictures of Rose Tyler he kept so very well hidden where he thought no one could see them. This isn’t like that. It will never be like that between the two of them. But it is still nice to hear that the Doctor needs her. It makes her feel the tiniest bit better about Owen, knowing she has another purpose in life. 

In the end, she doesn’t say anything. When the Doctor releases her arm, she catches his hand in hers. A quick, soft pinch. Reassurance that she isn’t leaving him any time soon. And that is that. 

They stand in the graveyard for a while longer. Silent, watching Owen. Eventually they watch him leave. Towards the entrance of the graveyard, the opposite direction of where they are standing.

It is the Doctor who eventually breaks the silence. “Where to next?” he asks when Owen is almost out of sight. 

Kaitlin looks up at him and for the first time in what feels like forever, there is a small smile gracing her face again. With a nudge over her shoulder towards the old blue box behind them, she gives him the answer they both want to hear, “Wherever she wants to take us.”


End file.
